Domestic Violence Myth or Truth
MYTH: Women who are abused have love self-esteem. Otherwise, they would not allow someone to treat them that way.
FACT: Many survivors do suffer from low self-esteem. However, the low self-esteem is a result of the systematic abuse they have survived, not the cause of it.
MYTH: Domestic violence occurs mostly in poor, uneducated, and dysfunctional relationships.
FACT: Domestic violence does not discriminate. It crosses all age, ethnic, racial, socioeconomic, and religious, sexual orientation, gender identity, and educational boundaries. There is not typical violent family or relationship. There are doctors, spiritual leaders, mental health professionals, law enforcement, elected officials, attorneys, judges, social workers, teachers and others who abuse their partners. At least one-third of all married women have been physically abused by their husbands or ex-husbands.
MYTH: Women are just as violent as men.
FACT: In approximately 93% of domestic assaults, the man is the perpetrator (United States Bureau of Justice Statistics.) 60% of men who were killed by their girlfriends, wives, or ex-wives, were killed as they were assaulting or threatening to injure or kill their partners (Kansas Coalition Against Domestic Violence).
MYTH: When there is violence in a relationship both members are at fault to a certain extent; therefore, both are responsible for stopping the violence.
FACT: Only the batterer has the ability to stop the violence. Battering is a chosen behavior. Many battered women and other battered survivors try to change their and their children's behavior hoping to stop the abuse. This does not work. Changes in family members' behavior will not stop the batterer's abuse.
MYTH: Domestic violence is usually a one-time or infrequent occurrence of physical where the abuser simply lost control.
FACT: Battering is a pattern, a reign of force and terror. Once violence begins in a relationship, it probably will get worse and more frequent over time. Battering is not just physical attacks, but a blueprint of tactics, like intimidation, threats, economic deprivation, psychological and sexual abuse, used repeatedly.
MYTH: Battered women always go back to their abuser.
FACT: Many battered women leave their batterers permanently, and despite many obstacles, succeed in building a life free of violence. The batterer often dramatically increases his violence when a woman leaves (or tries to), because it is necessary for him to reassert his control and ownership. Survivors are often very active on their own behalf. Their efforts often fail because the batterer continues to assault, and society refuses to provide protection and resources. Consequently, the average survivor leaves five to seven times before she is able to leave for good.
MYTH: Substance abuse causes domestic violence.
MYTH: Strees causes domestic violence.
FACT: Some of the most widely held beliefs is that substance abuse, unemployment, financial problems, or other stresses of daily living cause domestic violence. These are correlations of domestic violence rather than causes. Many people dealing with these problems do not batter. However, a batterer will list lost of reasons to excuse, minimize, and justify his decision to be abusive, from addiction and stress, to being simply provoked by his partner.
MYTH: Batterers are abusive because they cannot control themselves or because they have anger management problems.
FACT: Batters are usually not violent toward anyone but their partners and /or children. They can control themselves sufficiently enough to pick a "safe" target. Domestic violence abusers often beat their partners on areas of their body hidden by clothing so that the bruises do not show, indicating a high level of anger management and control.
MYTH: Batterers suffer from low self-esteem.
FACT: Batterers ten do have very high self esteem. They may express shame or low self-esteem in the aftermath of an abusive incident or as needed to maintain power and control of the survivor. Overall domestic violence perpetrators tend to have high self-esteem and an overwhelming sense of entitlement.
Getting Help:
If you are concerned about yourself or someone that is presenting these symptoms or behaviors, be aware that many facilities and counselors are available to help individuals deal with domestic violence issues. If you are a University of Louisiana at Lafayette student seeking help with these issues, please contact the Counseling and Testing Center at 337-482-6480 for more information. The center offers unlimited confidential sessions free of charge to all university students and staff.
Return to list
P.O. Box 44010
Lafayette, LA 70504
Saucier Wellness Center
OK Allen Hall
Phone: 337/482-6480
Fax: 337/482-1267
E-mail: counseling@louisiana.edu